Why? Why do people jump from one relationship to the next? Even the ones who took a break after their last relationship for months or even years, only to make the same mistake of getting into another one way to quickly. That shows a lack of balance and a lack of emotional control. It’s an “addiction” in itself. One I am guilty of in the past of doing as well.
But why? – Because “Any emotion is better than no emotion”
As humans, we thrive off of a variety of emotions to keep us feeling alive. Happy, sad, angry, love, lust. We are technically a scale of emotions ready to be tipped at any moment. Learn to balance that scale, those emotions, and you won’t make the same mistake over again.
What is Screening?
Screening, it is the caller ID for relationships. You have to screen out the callers, or in this case, the ones that don’t offer value in your life. When a telemarketer calls they are trying to sell you something, if it crap you say no thank you and hang up. If your Chris Ranieri, you tell them to hold on a second, only to put the phone down, crack open a beer a fall asleep. I think they got the hint not to call again. Dating is like telemarketing, you are “selling” your best self to see if they, and you will be a good fit for the product. Which in this case, the product is a relationship.
Imagine if you bought that product from the telemarketer without knowing much about it? It could end up being a broken product, something to only break 6 months down the line. it could be great and offer the value you have been looking for, of course, but why waste your time when you can find out more about it and make the correct decision on if you want to purchase it or not.
Why is Screening important before a relationship?
Back to the telemarketing analogy. Imagine buying that product on a whim, without doing any research only for it to give you problems and break months down the line. Now imagine getting into a relationship only for problems to arise and for it to end months down the line. How would you feel? Pretty crappy I’m sure. Especially since you invested all that time and money to fix it and make it work. Yet, in the end, that product, that relationship ended up being pretty crappy. It sucks, but there is a way to avoid that, by screening the person before you get into the relationship stage.
How Do You Screen?
You make a relationship checklist of with 3 areas. Take out a piece of paper and make 3 separate columns, these will be your headers:
What I want.
What I don’t want.
What I can deal with.
What I want – List 5 things you want in a partner, including their looks personality traits and any small individual quirks you like.
What I don’t want – Again list 5 things about your potential partner. This time, what you wouldn’t want in a relationship. Get as superficial at you would like.
What I can deal with – This has to do with something you wouldn’t particularly prefer your partner to have but it’s not an all-out deal breaker for you, and you can deal with it. List 5 as well.
It would look similar to this:
Ok, here is the kicker. As an example, imagine going on a date, the person you are on a date with has three things on the list that you do want, two you don’t want, and three of things you can deal with.
It would look similar to this:
Looking at that, would you get into a relationship with the person? I would not. Here’s why. You have three of what you want and five point combination of what you don’t want and what you can deal with. The things you can deal with is a 50/50 shot of “annoyances” creeping up and bothering you at a later point in a relationship. There is a way to avoid that. Let me tell you how…
3 Months Probation
Yes, yes I know how that looks. Probation! – But it’s not as bad as it sounds, I promise. The three month probation period is for your benefit only.
The 3 month probation period is just that, three months of making sure everything is going smoothly in your new lives together. The last thing anyone wants when dating someone new is to be a couple of months down the road only to have it end.
The 3 Steps For The First 3 Months
We are going to use the ASH acronym here. Awareness, Settling and Happiness.
Awareness – This is the first phase. You need to be aware of who you are dating. Ask yourself WHY am I dating this person? Is it because you are lonely?
Settling – Phase two. Are you settling in the relationship? Do you know deep down that you can do better? – Again, another question to ask yourself.
Happiness – At the 3-month mark ask yourself. Am I still happy? If you can confidently say that you are, keep the relationship going. If that thought does not cross your mind, I am happy for you! But, if it does, and you have any doubts, or see the relationship going downhill. You have to rethink where it’s headed. The most important part here is to be honest with yourself.
The last thing you want to be saying is:
“They were great in the beginning but as time went on they changed!”
Have you ever heard this before? Or, perhaps even said it yourself in the past.
With self-actualization and enough work, Of course, I believe people can change. Which is why I started this blog, to help other improve their lives. But, when it comes to relationships you need to look at that specific task at hand, the relationship.
No, they haven’t changed a couple of months down the line, they were the same person when they met you. Most put on their “best faces” in the beginning. As time goes on they’re comfortable enough to “slip up” and to let their true selves shine through.
When it comes to dating and relationships, do not settle, and always be growing as a person. If you spend the next 6 months improving yourself. your mindset will change for the better. If you’re currently dating someone and you see months down the line they aren’t on the same wavelength as you. Most importantly because they chose a different path, you have you answer of where the relationship is headed.
Learn from it, use your newfound knowledge and tools I described to choose a different path, a better path, next time around.
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