“Anyone can say anything. If their actions don’t match the words coming out their mouth, their words are pretty much meaningless”
You know how the old saying goes, “Actions speak louder than words”. There couldn’t be any more truth to that statement when it applies to dating. You should always judge people by their actions, not their words. Anyone can say anything, but if you go by a person’s actions it cuts out all the bullshit and helps you screen out the ones who are potential time wasters. The only expectation to this rule would be if someone has a legitimate excuse and gives you a proper make up day. That is without you having to bring it up first, but I will talk more about that later in this article.
When I was younger, before I started dating I had no clue what I was doing. I met this one girl on a dating website years ago. After exchanging numbers, we ended up talking on the phone very frequently. We would talk on the phone for hours. Everything was going great up until I mentioned meeting up in person. She was busy. For every time after I asked to meet up, she would have an excuse or end up being busy all the time. This went on for a while, until one day she said to me, “I am kind of seeing someone right now”. That was that, it was over.
To make matters even worse, the girl never ended up meeting with me for the date I had planned out. She took advantage of the nice person I am and used me. I should have used the cues of the conversation, such as her evasiveness every time I tried to plan a definite meet up. I should have realized her interest lay elsewhere. At that time I had no idea that was happening. Her physical actions of the investment were not there.
I was taking her words and promises as facts, but not taking into account her not so interested actions of reciprocating with me on the same level during our conversations. Which ended up leading me nowhere and wasted my own time and effort.
What I would do today:
Today I would have employed the two strike rule.
The Two Strike Rule:
I am going to use online dating with an addition of “positive conversation flow” as an example. Let’s say you meet someone online. You text often, the phone calls are going great, you really hit it off. You decide to ask that person out on a date. They agree. The day of the date comes, they cancel last-minute, but gives what you feel like is a legitimate excuse and also gave you a make up day. Great!
The second attempt at the date rolls around. You planned for 8 pm. They text you a couple of hours before hand and tell you they can’t make it. They flaked a second time – Delete their number and move on – You are NOT their goal.
As I was saying earlier in the article, the two strike rule cuts out the bullshit. It makes it easier for you to figure out who is a time waster and who is not. No one wants a time waster in their life. If that person flakes twice you know where they stand. Which is why you should judge by actions, never words. You can dictate with the person really means by their actions because the truth is, anybody can say anything but if their actions aren’t constant with their words, those words are meaningless.
Your time is valuable, you have to choose wisely who spend it with, people can break you or people who can help make you.
As nothing in life is ever set in stone there is always an expectation or expectations to these rules. As I was saying before. If the person gives you a legitimate make up a day and a time and also seems very sincere about the reason that they flaked on you. You should give them a second chance. Shit does happen and things do come up. That’s the reality the situation. Do not freak out, do not complain. Say to yourself: “Okay, it’s no big deal”. Then ask them to tell you a day that they are free. If they flake a second time, you know to cut all ties, move on, and most importantly. You know where they stand.
“Taking time out of your schedule to see someone is what I call Actions Of Positive Investment“
When you are in a relationship, especially a long-term relationship. Your partner’s actions are just as important if not more important than when you are single. The actions of your boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancé, wife, husband or whatever you may call them shows you the direction that the relationship is headed. As an example:
· If you are getting the cold shoulder all the time
· If you are not having sex is often as you would like
· They are not doing the little things for you that you ask your partner for out of respect
They keep telling you that they love you, care for you, but the words and the actions are not congruent with each other and match up. At that point I would keep an open eye. As I was saying before anybody could say anything.
As I was saying earlier, there are exceptions. As if you are not getting sex as often as you would like – It could be you are away for business, or have a medical problem that needs taken care of. These “rules” or “guidelines” are not meant for the things that are out of your control.
The type of people you want in your life are the ones whose words and actions are congruent with each other. You want somebody who sticks to what they say. Those are the type of positive up-bringing kind of people. The other type the people, the negative ones. Are the type of the people who are downward spirals. Their thoughts are an emotional roller coaster ride which will affect your life in a not so positive way. Don’t fall for those the people who will break you. Make sure you will only have positive people who will help make you.
By now you have probably noticed I’ve repeated myself a couple of times. The reason for that is to ingrain the thoughts into your head. After all, repetition is the mother of all skill.
Praxeology – “Praxeology rests on the fundamental axiom that individual human beings act, that is, on the primordial fact that individuals engage in conscious actions toward chosen goals.”
Every action you take is towards a goal in one way or another. To get a cup of coffee in the morning, taking out the garbage to texting your friend hello. Whatever it may be, that is your goal for the moment. When it comes to dating, let me use myself as an example for right now. My goal or goals would either be:
A. Go on a date or multiple dates
B. Have sex
C. Find a woman to get into a relationship with
D. Get married and settle down
For either A, B, C, or D whether it is a combination of those goals or not, I would be taking actions of investment towards each of those goals with the woman or women I am interested in. The woman, or in your case, the person on the receiving end who reciprocates equally while being on the same page in terms of looking for A,B,C, or, D. Will be the one to choose to take things further with.
All goals have a purpose. Now, without applying the legitimate excuse reason as I said before, let’s apply Praxeology, the study of human action and conduct, to the term “Actions over words”
1. If someone flakes on a date – You are not their goal
2. If someone does not text or call you back – You not their goal
3. If someone says they are attracted to you, but will NOT be intimate with you – You are not their goal
4. If you are getting mixed signals – You are not their goal
“If someone wants to see you bad enough, they will climb mountains to make that happen”
It’s impossible to be attracted to all of the 7 Billion people living on this earth. That is perfectly normal. It’s up to you to choose the ones whose actions of investing in you more often than not, back up their words.