This Isn’t Your Typical Self-Help Article
I Have A Confession
I went on over 200 plus dates from various online dating sites and im writing this article to share my experience.
It all started in early 2010, I was 22. I just moved out my mothers house. I had one or two dates under my belt but never had sex. I was 22 and a virgin. While talking to my friend he kept telling me about online dating and how many dates he goes on and how he found his girlfriend from an online dating site. I kept saying no, those sites aren’t for me. But he kept pushing, I finally gave in and decided to sign up for a popular site known as Plenty Of Fish. Looking back I should of re-named that site to be called “Plenty Of Flakes”, or “Plenty Of Fucks” because its a 50/50 shot that you’ll get anything out of it.
My Story’s A Bit Different Than That.
I met my first girlfriend on Facebook. I “poked” her a bunch of times then added her as a friend. We talked for about a week on the phone then one night around 9pm she came over. – I was a bit nervous, unsure of what to do, how to act, what to say. – Needless to say I only used my fingers that night. The relationship progressed and after about a week we finally had sex. – We dated for about 8 months, she got needy and we broke up. It was a clean break up, but that was that. I was single again.
I got back on Plenty Of Fish early 2011 and started messaging again, I was getting an upward of 5-6 numbers a day at this point. I knew people on that site where flaky and wouldn’t stick to their plans. I would end up planning out 4 dates in a night and have one or sometimes zero girls go out with me. it was vert frustrating. I knew what I had to do, I had to get more numbers and go on more dates. After all, dating and finding the right partner is a number game to some degree(I will dig deeper into this in a later post).
I Got To Work.
I would spend all day messaging on POF, I would get up to 20 or so numbers in A DAY. I would plan my dates out for the week accordingly. But not the typical dates like dinner and a movie, no, that was boring, not exciting enough for me or anyone for that matter and usually just ended up in awkward silences with no connection at all. But ill talk about dates and how to chose the best date in a different article.
My dates where different, most people go to the movies, play mini-golf, dinner, drinks. Typical stuff. While I did do that at times my dates where aimed at a different purpose. To screen the women to be a potential girlfriend while “having fun” in the mean time. All of dates where fun and adventures dates. Usually it would be boxing or martial arts in my backyard. You’re probably thinking “boxing!” “martial-arts!” “Who in the hell would what to do that!?” – Let me tell you, a lot more people then you think. Those dates are fun, different, outdoors, adventuress and exciting. – Whether you’re a man or women, I suggest you give those dates a try.
After the dates we would go up to my room and hang out, watch some TV, relax, talk and get to know each other. Sometimes it would just be awkward silence’s. While I tried my best to break the ice, she just wasn’t interested, and I was completely okay with that. We said are goodbyes and left it that, nothing gained, nothing lost.
I was talking to another friend of mine. He mentioned a site called OkCupid. At this time I never heard of it, figured “What the hell, I got nothing to lose” – I signed up and started messaging, same results, 5-6 and an upward of 22 numbers on a day. I was hooked. Combining OkCupid, POF and at this point apps I was going on 2-3 dates a night and having 2-3 girls over a night. I was obsessed with my results. I continued this process for about 4 years.
I would go on various message forums and ask questions, I would post about my night and ask for opinions from others about how my date went. I found out a lot of people where having similar experiences that I did. – Again I was hooked. I would read online forums, articles, and various posts in my free time. I would look up different date ideas, different type of messages to send, you name it. I would test out those messages to see what worked and what didn’t. I would try out different type of questions to ask to help screen the person I was interested in dating so I wouldn’t settle for any old relationship and end up unhappy.
During this time period I had Fuck Buddies, Girlfriends and everything in between. I loved every single of my girlfriends in their own way. The polygamous relationships and the monogamous relationships that I ended up getting into. – Between you and me, monogamy is the way to go, I enjoy the love of one person, you’re in your own world with them and nothing and no one can break that bond. Its a beautiful thing.
Year – 2013 – I was starting to get bitter and fed up with the drama, the attitudes, the flakes, everything. My attitude towards dating was getting a bit bitter and I started to “generalize” and “group” people in categories. “Oh her personality is XYZ shes 100% a flake” – Funny enough most of time I was correct but a lot of the time as well I wasn’t. Whether I was correct or not, it was a very bad attitude to have. It dehumanizes you from having a real interaction and real life, which is what we all crave. If you’re like that I highly suggest you STOP. – Take a step back and start enjoying the moment and the person you’re spending time with for what it is. In a very nice way, what i’m trying to say is “Take that stick out of your ass” and instead, smile.
The reality of the situation was this – While it was fun, it was a crutch for me. I didn’t want to accept responsibility of growing up and facing problems head on. I would have girls over night after night to feed my own ego, my own need for self-validation an self-love that I neglected for so many years. I would go out to clubs, bars and pick up women there too. But not for the purpose of to “get laid” I knew I can get that anytime, but for the purpose of increasing my social skills and build up the confidence to be able to approach anyone at anytime, anywhere. – That alone is a skill most people lack. The ability of approach and “make the sale”.
While you may be thinking by now “No way you had sex with all 200 women!” – No I didn’t that’s disgusting and would only lead to negative consequences. I had over 200 DATES. Whether that meant going to play pool, bowling, boxing and marital arts in my backyard. I consider all of those dates since I got to know that person on my personal level emotionally. If it lead to a physical interaction so it be it, but no I did not have sex with over 200 women. And yes, I am 100% clean, I got tested recently.
6 years later, in 2016 looking back and at my dates, the experiences, and the interactions I had. One thing’s for sure. I learned a lot. I learned a lot about sales, physiology, dating, how to screen or weed out potential time wasters, how to structure fun and exiting dates. – And that’s only scratching the surface of what I learned. Would I change it? No, I wouldn’t. – The learned experience and skills I built up in those 6 years will last me a lifetime.
“Where I am now”
Now I can approach any women without hesitation, now I know how to dance, now I know how to coach people to become a better boxer or martial artists. I took a break from dating and killed my bitter attitude. I am happy with my life and where i’m at. I’m currently focusing on my career as a web developer and wouldn’t change it for the world.
I’m going to be moving to California in the upcoming months. After the move i’m going to be traveling around for a couple of months just for the experience. I am looking for a future relationship, whether I meet her from an Online Dating website, randomly on the streets, a wedding, or wherever it may be, I am happy and looking forward to bringing joy and sharing wonderful experiences with that person. Whoever they are.